I can’t remember the last time I opened the windows of my room. The last time I looked outside to enjoy the view; the sole reason to rent my house in the first place. Have I been busy? Not really. But in trying to keep busy, I have managed to give more attention to my thoughts, my loneliness and those empty spaces I stare at all day. I haven’t stepped out of home for weeks now. I don’t remember eating with a happy heart either.
I know what you’re thinking. Is she depressed? Well, all of this may not be entirely true when it comes to me. But I know of many people who have gone through this or are feeling the same right now. These may not be my thoughts, but I understand where this is leading to.
Accepting depression and getting something done isn’t always easy. People try and reach out. Voice what they feel and say it out loud. But the answers they get can break them further. A friend of mine once expressed to her family that she feels no urge to progress in life, to wake up or to be herself anymore… but she was told she is being lazy, overthinking and not working hard enough in life.
But is it that simple? What about not feeling that sense of belonging, feeling more lost when surrounded by people and expected to behave a certain way at all times. I know that people who are depressed try and make ample attempts to start afresh. It works too. But mostly not. And that failure breaks them each time. It’s like feeling worthless and now scared to even ask for help.
Today is no different than yesterday or the day before for so many of us. We try to follow a routine which screams of monotony more than discipline. In the attempt towards a simple life, it just gets complicated beyond repair.
I got a call this morning. A friend shared an incident with me. She told me about her college friend and how that girl reached out to her after years. My friend, however, couldn’t catch up because she was busy in her life and thought who will make an effort to get to know her again. This went on for a few weeks. Her friend made several attempts to reach out, but my friend kept making excuses as she wasn’t keen on meeting her. She replied sweetly on the text, which then came down to quick emoticon responses and then she got the news. That girl killed herself last night. Her brother told my friend she was depressed and tried seeking help. She made attempts to speak to her family, relatives and people she thought were her friends. My friend sounded terribly upset over the phone and somewhere blamed herself too. She said, “All I could have done was meet her once. Maybe I could have helped her. Maybe she would be alive.”
Well, we’ll never know.
This incident shook me. I could relate to that girl, and all those people who feel alone, need a friend to talk to and exit their state of depression. No matter how busy we are in our lives, we must try and take out time for our friends and those who consider us their friends. You never know how and when you are actually helping someone fight their illness.
Also, for those of you who are going through any sort of mental health issue, just be strong and keep pushing yourself to come out of it. I know it’s easy to say this without having gone through it entirely, but one thing I can be sure of is that your mind is much stronger than you think it is. You just need to surround yourself with positive people, a passion, and keep pushing yourself to not go back into the trap of depression.
I am no expert at this, but I know for sure that talking helps. And self-belief, self-love comes as an added aid. Take care and stay safe!