Living Childfree by Choice

Every child deserves to be wanted, and if a woman decides not to embrace motherhood, she has every right to make that decision.

As women, we live in a world full of different roles. Some of these roles are passed to us, some forced and some chosen by us. If being married, and having a child, allows us to fulfill the role of a wife and a mother, in that case, being single and childfree shouldn’t raise eyebrows either. If the previous two are acceptable choices, then why not the latter?

“I am not going to be less of a person if I don’t have children. It will work out the way it is supposed to.”

Dita Von Teese, American Vendette

Being Childfree Isn’t Being Selfish

Many women are choosing to live a child-free life these days. While children are a gift and a blessing in disguise, bringing them into this world is not only a natural process. It requires care, lifelong dedication, and the will to have them in the first place. And as a woman, if you feel you don’t want to take on the responsibility (or whatever the reason is), there is nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t make you selfish. What makes you selfish is when you bring a child into this world to fulfill predetermined roles. For a change in your life, work on your bond with your family, and so on. And all this without the actual want for a child. Of course, people have children as an extension of their love, and while that is acceptable, to not have children and still be in love is frowned upon. Why such double standards?

Taking on a practical approach

I have come across women who feel they are not ready to have a child now or maybe ever. I have read about women who do not see a child as a part of their lives, love kids but don’t want one. I also know of women who are happy with the way life is, do not want another responsibility, and are independent, focused, and even happily married. You cannot help but notice how our society, and sometimes even families of these women, find it hard to accept their decision of being child-free.

For a young woman, who is married and well settled, things like traveling, work, social gatherings, spending quality time with her spouse, herself, family, and friends can be a priority too. Some women don’t get married as they fear their partner forcing them to have a child. And some are lucky to find a partner who supports the decision, and these are women who live life as they want it. And even if their approach seems rather practical, what’s wrong with that? Does being a woman mean being surrounded by emotions all the time?

A new way to be?

As a woman, if you cannot have a child, you are looked upon with pity. If you accept your situation and want to move on, society, family pressure, and endless doctor options will not make it easy for you. More like a child is the key to a happy life, a happy marriage, to be a complete woman, and to have support when you grow old. From forcing women to have a child to please their family, pass on tradition, property, beliefs, to whatnot, women see it all. And in the midst of this, imagine a woman who can conceive but refuses to have a child. And may I point here that these women are not seeking to bring a change. All they want is to live a life backed by their choices. 

Women who choose to live child-free are not asking anyone to follow their path, and I’m sure all they want is not to be judged and questioned. They’ve just made a personal choice, a decision they believe in, and people shouldn’t make assumptions in the first place. But then, we cannot change perspectives in a go. What we can do is appreciate these individuals, women and men both. Support the decisions they make and look up to them for the person they are and not the choices made. Difficult? Not really. Give it a try, and trust me, the world will be more amicable and full of refreshing perspectives.

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